Life just keeps getting better and better

[helbrax]

In the last month, I've been in an accident, am moving to a new position at my work, and now it seems my wife and I may be going our separate ways in the near future.

Anyone been divorced before and the divorce was amicable? What impact do you think it will have on my daughter(14 months)?

[bort]

Sad to hear that helbrax.
Hard to say what impact it will have on your daughter.
I found having one parent around instead of two was a big change (although I wouldn't have wished my parents to carry on living together).
I guess the most important thing is that she knows you both love her and she gets to see plenty of both parents (and not just for the parents' sake).

Just my opinion of course.

[Hercules]

Sorry to hear that too mate!

when 2 people split up its never easy when children are involved.
i don't know the laws and father's right where you live so i can just speak from my heart and personal experience.

I would def. try to work out a leagal agreement where you can see youre daugther 50% of the time, providing youre wife
to move to far away with daughter.
i would also try to be a important part of youre precious daughters life, even if it didn't work out with her mom.

Its going to be rough no matter what.
Even if youre friends with youre wife it wil be mentally and psycially challenging to deal with all this.

I wish you all the best and ofcoz i hope you will find a way to solve youre problems, so you may get back on track with youre life -together.


take care friend!



Hercules.

[sabregirl]

Well T and I haven't been married that long, but I grew up in a divorced family and my parents divorced when I was almost the same age as your daughter. Consequently, I don't even really remember my parents being together really. I always advise people working things out, especially when there is a child involved unless in a situation that's really and truly irreconcilable. But *if* you do divorce I will give you this advice:

Make sure your child whenever possible knows both parents, no matter what it takes in terms of driving distance etc. Do not put your child in the middle of whatever problems you have i.e. telling them bad things about the ex-spouse, blaming the ex-spouse for separation etc. Getting annoyed when they talk about stuff they've done with "mommie". Try to get the other ex-spouse to agree to all of this if you can.

Try not to fight over time with your child, especially as she gets older and has a choice in the matter. Guilt trips can make children want to avoid you altogether.

All of that said there's no reason to say a child from a divorced home can't be happy and well adjusted (look at me I'm fine *twitches*) I think single custody with visitation is better than split custody, as it's better to have the kid used to one set of rules most of the time than yo-yoing back and forth, but then I dunno how common that sort of thing is these days.

Whew that was a bit of a book ... maybe I should write a real one.

-S

[Hercules]

All of that said there's no reason to say a child from a divorced home can't be happy and well adjusted (look at me I'm fine *twitches*) I think single custody with visitation is better than split custody, as it's better to have the kid used to one set of rules most of the time than yo-yoing back and forth, but then I dunno how common that sort of thing is these days.

i do agree with sabre in a lot of this, and i really dont wanna make this into a sex discrimination tread over youre unhappyness, but i want to add that if there should be only one person to have custody (that will almost sertain be mom due to age of daughter), father will more or less fade away over time.

i mean if daughter have moms rules, live with mom etc etc and father only get to "loan " her every once in a while,
father will eventually imo slowly fade out.
All this i have experienced personally with my "lost " daughter so i know a bit bout it even i am no expert in any way.

so therfor i'd still try to get a leagal 50% "somekind of deal"
and rather battle the 2 side rules or even try to discuss the rules with mom and try to have same as far as possible.

One more thing is important for the father side:
Even though you are friends now, and maybe after a divorce,
tiny things regarding daughter can easily blow up in youre face and then mom can use daughter as a "punishing point"
if she's got all custody.
Just a friendly note.
(and to all girls out here, i am no female rasist or hater just sharing bitter experience in my own life.
Also i know 99% of females would not act this way as described above, but i would sertainly go the extra mile to prevent it and make it bullet proof for my own good)
you own it to youre daughter.

It's really a complex situation, you need to consider what is best for YOU and youre daughter, and in the same way try to stay atleast on the talking front with youre wife.

Finally take Sabre's good point:
even if you would face a divorce,youre daughter can grow up just as fine as a girl from a home with both mother and father.
See Sabre's nice work here.


All my best
Hercules

[helbrax]

We've both agreed we'd like to try to work things out. We've been working them out for a while now, and no real progress has been made, but we decided we are going to keep trying and take a different approach or something other than divorce.

[dodrudon]

Best of wishes, whatever it's worth, I'm glad you guys decided to give it another shot.